Epiphany

I am special

I am awesome

I am beautiful

I am funny

I am sexy

I am weird

I am dorky

I am unique

I am amazing

I needed to create a list of things to say to myself to counter the messages I get from my brain telling me otherwise. It's a good list. And I'm proud to say that I believe the list. Most of the time.

If someone doesn't want me despite all those truths, it's not because I'm not _____ enough.  It is because of his preconceived ideas of what he wants, not any failing on my part. Much like auditioning for an acting job, I could totally kill the audition, but if I'm not exactly what he's looking for, I'm not booking the part.

In the past, I've done a lot of wallowing in the 'poor me' feels of the song 'I'm not that girl' from Wicked, but I've come to realize it isn't true. I AM that girl. He's not the right boy.

'Don't lose sight of who you are' is one of the sections of lyric that I've always taken to heart--don't kid yourself, you're not special enough, he might like you but he'd never pick you. My brain is an asshole!  But I've taken that lyric and reframed it and owned it. 

I won't lose sight of who I am. I won't cling to things that are LESS than I deserve.

I'm not that girl.