Sunday 22 March 2015

So Many Firsts

It's tough to quantify all that's happened in the last couple weeks, but it's been full of a lot of firsts.

1) First 'boudoir' photoshoot.
The online profiles for dating websites require photos and once I saw the kinds of photos people were posting on the swinger websites, I realized the underwear selfies I had were not going to cut it. A good friend came over and took photos of me in various fetish gear and underthings, so now I have a great selection of shots to post and share.

2) First solo date (in 21 years)
Went out for coffee and a long walk with a guy from okcupid. I couldn't rely on my husband to fill in the quiet moments and so there were some awkward silences. We hit it off though and will see each other again.

3) First time going on two dates in one day
Had a couples date in the evening after my solo afternoon date. His open relationship rules require me to meet his wife before we get physical or I could have had even more exciting stats for #8.

4) First time sucking two cocks at the same time
We were playing the dirty card game* with R&S again and the dare came up to suck two cocks at once. Considering that I've only ever sucked four cocks in my entire life, it was quite a thing, though I'm sure my numbers are going to climb almost exponentially from now on...

5) First time not knowing whose fingers were in my pussy
We were playing with G&T. G was pressed up behind me, T was cuddled against my chest while my man ate her pussy, and someone was fingering me. I didn't know who it was. It was probably the most delicious, hedonistic moment of my life.

6) First time 'spitroasted'
I've written about this many times in dirty slash fiction (though almost always in a different orifice), but it was the first time that I've been fucked from behind by one man while sucking off another. It felt so blissfully slutty. I've been surprisingly able to savour those slutty moments rather than feeling shame about how much I like them.

7) First (and second and third) time squirting while someone fingered me
I've squirted several times before while playing with my super-fun nJoy Pure Wand but I've only used it on myself. G was fingering me while he went down on me and I pulled back because I was afraid it might happen. At that point, he was on a mission and made me do it twice. Then he showed T how and she made it happen again. At that point, my legs were so wobbly I could barely walk. Thankfully, I had my Liberator Throe under me and I didn't ruin the duvet.

8) First time fucking two men in the same night
Once our sexy guests went home, I rode my hot husband like a wild woman. For those who might think that other partners take away energy from the primary, it does the opposite and actually feeds more energy back into that relationship.

Saturday 21 March 2015

Strip High-Low Card Game

The rules for Strip High/Low

Everyone gets 20 chips in four stacks of five chips. Every player is wearing four pieces of clothing (or at least will undress to naked in four turns).

One card is turned up and rest of deck is dealt to players face down.

Take turns saying whether your card is going to be higher or lower than the upturned card. (Aces are high)

If you guess wrong, one chip goes into the middle. If the card is a tie, you lose two chips.

Every time you're down five chips, you have to take off an item of clothing. Soon, everyone wins!



Penalty Variation

If you want to keep playing and have a game turn into playtime, you can continue with the penalty variation.

Each player writes out dares on pieces of paper (or you could prepare in advance). You can go from tame to super-naughty, depending on the comfort of players.

Examples:
Kiss where you want
Make out for 3 min
Perform a lap dance
From my toes to my lips, get as close as you can to my skin
3-way make-out
Dirty dance together
Sexy slow dancing
Kiss inner thigh
Kiss from knee to belly button
3 sexy bites
Make a sexy sandwich
Show a new sex position
Perform oral sex
Sixty-nine
Suck two cocks at once


Players get a stack of penalty chips once they're naked.

When they've lost all their chips, they have to pull a dare from the hat and perform it (You can have it be person-specific by them having to pull a name or a player-specific chip as well).

After performing the dare, they get stack back and game continues until you run out of dares or a 'game ender' dare has everyone more interested in playtime than continuing.

Thursday 19 March 2015

Crushing reality of crushes

It's been a very long time since I've had a crush on someone. It's been an especially long time since I've had a crush on someone and planned, and had permission, to act on it.

This is all amazing, it appears. I have this guy that I like, and if everything went well (and we could somehow end up in the same city), I could totally go fuck the hell out of him. Except, it seems that he's not as into me as I am into him.

And that is very hard on the ego.  I vacillate between thinking it doesn't matter and thinking that I should back right off. Between taking the things he says expressing interest at face value and reading the silences and non-responses as a sign of his true feelings.

And I feel kind of ridiculous and high school about the whole thing and it's embarrassing. I get the endorphin rush and high every time I see there's a message from him. Then I get the plummet and the low when I message without response or I see that pesky green dot indicating he's online but isn't chatting with me.

I suppose it's all practice and it's good to have me toughen up a bit. I'm putting myself out there and being vulnerable. It's not always going to be met with a yes, and from behind the safety of the computer screen is going to be easier than in person. For an anxious person like me, it's still incredibly difficult.

But I guess that's why it's called a crush.


Monday 9 March 2015

Cock-blocked by your husband

It is probably something unique to those in open relationships that although you have permission from your spouse to fuck other people, they still sometimes get in the way of said fucking of other people. (Hey, sweetie, You might want to skip this entry. We've talked about it and resolved it, and everything is cool. I still wanted to blog about the experience.)

I recently opened an okcupid profile and, after the flood of straight guy 'wassup' messages, limited it to be seen only by bisexuals, queer, genderqueer, or trans people. I was hoping to find some dates, but haven't got the time or patience right now to do the necessary wading through the bulk responses.  I did, however, get a message from a trans guy who seemed like a good match. He understood the reference in my username, we were really highly matched through the okcupid algorithm, and he was really cute.

We chatted back and forth through the website then moved to email so I could send some pics other than my profile photo. It seemed like we clicked really well. Particularly in a way that would end up being the problem: he was kinky and he was a dom. 'Perfect', I thought, 'my sweetie isn't into dominating me yet I like it. He can outsource that like Dan Savage suggests for partners that aren't into the same kinks as their partners.'

We continued to have chatty emails almost every day until I brought up some of the details with my sweetie who was not okay. Not only is he not okay with dominating me himself, he's not okay with any man dominating me. A woman, fine, but not a man.

There are varied and complicated issues at play with his feelings about this, which I understand and respect. He can't help the experiences he's had through his life and he can't help his feelings, but to me this seemed patently unfair. We discussed it at length and broke it down as much as possible but neither of us could truly make the other understand our disparate points of view. I felt like there was a certain amount of caveman, chest-beating "Woman is Mine!" stuff going on and I was hurt and angry. I'm a feminist and no-one's property.

But I am also a loving wife, and if we're going to make this non-monogamy thing work, I have to respect his boundaries, much like I expect him to respect my boundaries. And I know that there is a lot more at play than just the caveman brain at play here, despite the fact that I'm rankling at the invisible bonds put upon me.

So I wrote to my new friend and explained how things were, thinking that there's still plenty of fun stuff we could do. And he dumped me, not interested in playing by some other guy's rules, and not that interested in vanilla sex, even though I'm 'really kind, engaging, smart and hot.'

Sigh. So I spent a morning crying, because I'm ridiculous and brand-new to online dating, so I haven't developed the tough shell required for the quick connect/disconnect that happens (and I really liked him! *whine whine*). A poly friend said that any potential partner who doesn't respect the primary's limits isn't a good potential partner, so I probably dodged a bullet there, but it still blows. I know there are other smart, fun, hot guys out there, and maybe a wonderful female domme, I'm just gonna have to wade through a sea of "'sup" to get there.

Saturday 7 March 2015

Valentine's at the swing club

After our fun New Year's Eve at the local swing club--that we honestly didn't quite understand was fully a swing club, we just thought it was somewhere you could go and have sex in public. We also thought swingers were a thing of the suburban past. Shag (heh!) rugs and key parties--we decided to go check it out again for Valentine's Day.

This time we were going to meet up with a couple who'd messaged on facebook and initiated a coffee date. They were newbies as well, and nervous, but it seemed like it would be nice to have others to chat with and dance with in case we were hit with similar nerves as previously.  The wife of that couple and I had a shopping date where we got to know each other a little better, and we picked out sexy outfits to wear to the club. A LOT of the women at the club wear very little, but I wasn't quite ready to go straight to lingerie when first arriving at the club, so I found a sexy dress, which was probably far too classy, but felt like me.

We'd discussed with the other couple in advance that we would just watch each other, rather than swapping, which felt like a fun, low-pressure, first step.

We arrived at the club first and were more relaxed about chatting with others in the queue, and checking them out. Phones are only allowed in the downstairs entrance area of the club so I had to have mine in my purse against my leg so I'd feel the vibe when she texted their arrival.  There is a fair amount of hoop-jumping for newbies, so although they arrived not that long after we did, they didn't get into the club area for a long time after that.

In that time, we chatted with a very hot couple who joined us in our booth. We'd noticed them in the locker area as she was wearing frilly panties, pasties and a smile, and he was in a gorgeous, embroidered tunic. They were also fairly new to the lifestyle and I was suddenly very sad we were meeting up with others because it seemed like things could have gone very well for us with these two.

Our other new friends finally made it to the club area and we all hung out and danced together, often with the hotties from our booth as well. Mr. Hottie had smoked us up with his vapourizer and it was really strong. Although I hadn't had much to drink, I was definitely pretty 'relaxed', and it wasn't until the dry-mouth really kicked in that I realized why. We don't smoke up often, and are kinda lightweights; this becomes quite relevant later.

After several hours of dancing--which included my sweetie undressing me on the dance floor--I noticed the time and decided if we were going to get funky, we had to get on it because we only had 45 min before the last train of the night. We talked to the couple we'd arranged to go with, but she wasn't up for playing yet, so we headed off on our own to fool around.

The only free space was next to another couple who was happy to have us join them on the lounger. My sweetie knelt between my legs and proceeded to eat my pussy like a champ. I looked around as I lay back and there were many couples in various states of sexual activity from blowjobs to lap-riding and it was crazy hot. I could watch them and they were watching me and I was blissed right out.

Ms. Hottie came by at one point and I invited them to join us in the space, but she just kissed me for a few minutes before moving on to their other date (we'd seen them dancing with a crazy-sexy couple and felt like they'd made a good trade up). Husband between knees and hot woman kissing me was a pretty great moment, as short as it was.

I lay back again and was revelling in all the delicious sensations when I heard the low rumble of many voices. I looked up to discover that the open area of the room was filled with people. The newbie tour was on and there were about 20 people standing there watching us. My first thought was, 'Oh shit!'. My second was, 'Oh yeaaaah!' and I immersed myself in watching eyes. My inner exhibitionist was jumping for joy and has pretty much burst forth from her bonds since then.

I wanted to return the favour to my sweetie or maybe fuck, but he was so incredibly high that there was a total disconnect between brain and genitals, and he had no interest. I felt a similar disconnect, though not to the same degree. Everything he did to me felt really good, but there was no progression, and it was like I was watching from a distance.

Lesson learned: don't take drugs from strangers at the sex club. You'd think that wouldn't be something two people in their 40s need to learn, but there ya go.

We continued to fool around a bit, moved up to the gallery area and watched some acrobatic feats of fucking from one very fit couple, and watched our facebook friends who were in a slightly dark corner playing (the same dark corner we played in our first time). There were bodies all around us, moans, slapping skin, sighs. It was delightful, and we knew we'd be back.

Tuesday 3 March 2015

It kind of happened by accident

Sometimes you're chatting with your husband while you're in a tropical paradise teaching fitness classes to wealthy women and he remains in a northern rainforest looking after the cats and taking a weekend workshop. Trust me. It can happen.

And sometimes, during a chat like that, he mentions a hot Brazilian woman who'd been flirting with him at said workshop and you respond with:


and everything changes.

Because up to that point, the 'sexual adventures' you'd been discussing really meant threesomes or finally getting up the nerve to check out that downtown club where you could fuck in public. It didn't mean your husband boning a hot Brazilian woman and then giving you the dirty lowdown.

Something that at one point would have struck terror deep into your soul now strikes deep in your loins as 'fuck, that's hot!'

And suddenly the world of monogamish gets a whole lot more open.

Our First Swinger Date

There are probably a pile of things I should write about between my first post and this one, but this is most recent, and most exciting, so I'm just going to head out of the gate with a post about our first swinger date this past weekend.

I decided to flirt with a cute local couple on a Swinger dating site after looking at profiles for weeks and never acting on them. Crazily enough, I heard back immediately with a reciprocal flirt and an invitation to look at their private (extremely HOT!) photos. We chatted back and forth until we set up a date for the following evening to meet for drinks and see where things went from there.

I was so nervous all the next day. Were they going to like us? Was my undercarriage grooming up to par? Was my undercarriage itself up to par? We should totally cancel. What was I thinking? But eventually we were on our way to their neighbourhood so we could go back to their place if all went well during our drinks meeting at the restaurant. (I went for sexy secretary look in a pencil skirt in which my ass looks bangin' if I do say so myself, and a top that draped nicely to show off my rack)

We hit it off pretty quickly and I was relieved. Even if we didn't hook up it was going to be a fun evening and we easily chatted about various things in our lives, relationships, and our experiences (or lack of in our case) in the Lifestyle. We realized that we recognized them from events at the local swingers club we've been to a few times.

They'd been a couple for about a year, and she'd been in the Lifestyle when they met. He hadn't been sure about the whole thing but after a crazy hotel takeover weekend in Vegas, he was sold. It all felt really comfortable and easy so after a few drinks we headed to their place just a few blocks away.

We ended up playing a silly strip card game and soon enough I was sitting completely naked in the dining room of complete strangers and it was kinda weirding me out. If we'd been doing sexual things, it would have been fine, but I was just there. Nude. It was really odd. (I'm kind of a 'never nude'. I'm getting better but I often don't like to be naked even when completely alone. I've got a running gag with a friend about how I wear jean shorts in the shower.)

Eventually the game got a little sexier and we all started having to do little dares that got more and more intimate - a little lap dance here, a little inner thigh kissing there. A lot of them involved people going down on me and I really liked that. I kept joking that all the tasks should be 'do shit to Kat' because having three different mouths on you in very short order is one of the best things ever. Until there's maybe four or five or... mmm, happy place.

Things progressed into the bedroom and we all rolled around and kissed and sucked and licked and it was really awesome. I hadn't been sure if we'd just pair off with the other couple or how it would work but there was a lot of mixing and matching and it was delightful. There were often bodies on either side of me and on top of me and I just loved being surrounded by all that amazing naked, writhing flesh.

All good things must come to an end, though, and after discovering it was nearly 3am, we had to bow out and head home while I could still operate a motor vehicle.

We exchanged a few flirty texts - ha! flirty = "We're really horny to fuck you two" - after but haven't heard back from them after my texts trying to set up the next date they'd appeared eager to schedule. So we'll see.

But it was a great night. A lot of fun. And it took the edge off the fear of the unknown. And answered the question "Who'd want to fuck us?" because there are at least two people out there who put their hands up, which helps to suggest that there are more out there. I just need to find them.

Now, who should I flirt with next?